TED Talks第二課》說服

TED Talks第二課》說服

5張王牌,看見說服的力量

文 / Madeleine Cheng        2016-04-15

5張王牌,看見說服的力量


14:14 And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they,the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.

所以我繼續這個研究,花了幾年時間,試著搞清楚這些全心全意的人,他們所做出的選擇,他們怎麼應付脆弱感?為什麼我們如此掙扎?只有我與脆弱奮鬥嗎?不是。

14:34 So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we’re waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what’s out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick, and we’re newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

這是我所學到的。我們麻痺脆弱,例如我們在等待重要電話時。滿好笑的,我在推特和臉書上打了「要如何定義脆弱?」、「為什麼會感到脆弱?」大概一個半小時後,我收到150個回覆。因為我想知道大家的情形。才新婚不久就生病了需要跟老公求助、向先生或太太求歡被拒絕、邀人去約會、等著醫生回電、被辭退或辭退某員工——這就是我們的生活。我們生活在脆弱的世界裡,而我們應付脆弱的其中一個方式,就是麻痺脆弱感。

16:46 One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn’t just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. “I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up.” That’s it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There’s no discourse anymore. There’s no conversation. There’s just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there’s anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn’t work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.

有件事我們必須想想,我們為什麼、如何麻痺,並不一定是因為習慣了。另外,我們也必須確定那些令人不確定的事。宗教已從信仰與神祕,變成確定的事,「我對,你錯,閉嘴」,就這樣,這就是確定性。我們愈怕,就愈脆弱,然後更害怕。有點像現今的政治,沒有對話,沒有交談,只有責怪。你們知道研究上怎麼描述「責怪」嗎?一種釋放痛苦與不安的方式。我們追求完美,世上唯有我希望生活如此,但不這麼稱心。

17:52 And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh.” That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That’s our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems, I think, that we see today.

我們追求完美時,最危險的,就是要孩子完美。讓我告訴你們,我們怎麼看待孩子吧! 他們生來就得掙扎以達目的,當你手上抱著完美的寶寶時,我們不應該說:「看看她,真完美」、「我的工作就是讓她保持完美」、「確定她5 年級時選上網球隊,國一跳級念耶魯」,這不是我們該做的,我們應該看著他們說:「你知道嗎?你不完美,你生來就得掙扎,但你值得愛與歸屬」,這才是我們該做的事。如果一整個世代的孩子都這麼養,今日的問題都可迎刃而解。

19:07 To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee -- and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough” ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.

讓自己被看見,最深層、最脆弱的那一面,全心全意去愛,即使不保證有回報,即使很困難。尤其身為一位家長,我告訴你們,當我們恐懼時,表達感激與喜樂是很痛徹心扉的。當我們想:「我能否這麼愛你?」、「我能熱情地相信嗎?」、「我可以對此勇敢嗎?」的時候,能夠停下來,別把一切想得太糟糕,然後告訴自己:「我很感激」、「因為會感到脆弱代表我還活著」。最後,我想最重要的是,相信自己足夠了,因為如果我們都能相信自己「我夠好了」,那我們便會停止抱怨並開始傾聽,我們對身邊的人會更溫柔仁慈,對自己也會更溫柔仁慈。

想要加強你說服群眾的說話技巧嗎?或許你曾有過在公開場合演講的經驗,或許你就是有那種讓別人相信你的人格特質,但就技巧面而言,我們可以從情感與同理心專家Brene Brown 在TED 的演講中,學到幾個讓你變得更有說服力的方式。

1 Body language. 身體語言

有很大一部分的人際互動,不是來自文字語言,而是來自身體語言,身體語言包括了眼神、手勢、表情、姿態及聲音。而這種互動方式通常對任何人都很易懂,也不像文字語言般容易有隔閡。透過身體語言,你能讓想傳達的事情更明確。

例如:不要害怕與聽眾有眼神的交流,在一場演講中,你和觀眾最頻繁的互動就是眼神交流,當他們的眼神中露出疑惑時,你就能適時的補充;當他們的眼神開始漂移時,你就能加點笑料吸引注意。之外,你堅定的眼神也是自信的表徵,會比單純的語言更有說服力。

2 Study. 足夠的準備工作

演講最主要的目的就是替你的語言創造影響力,進而滿足你的期待,因此你必須要言之有物,且能夠提出足夠的事實證據來支持你的論點。當你在準備演講的時候,一定要跳出原有的框架去全方位的思考,不要讓聽眾找到任何質疑點,才能讓你的演講無懈可擊。

3 Oer Satisfaction. 讓雙方都滿意

Brene Brown 清楚的知道,她不需要事事占上風才能達到最後目的,她願意用小犧牲,去交換最短的路程以達到目的地。很多時候,我們都會貪心的想把所有利益都打包回家,通常這樣的過程都不會太好看。但是如果能夠專注在你最終的目的上,給一些無關痛癢的甜頭,那你就能漂亮的打贏這場戰。

4 Create Connection. 和觀眾創造連結

說服台下的聽眾,就是你花了那麼多時間和努力的目的,不論台下坐了多少人都要付出全力,如果無法引起他們的共鳴,你的付出都將成了泡影。設法讓聽眾感受到你在意他們的意見,並且會替他們設身處地的著想。用點技巧去創造你和觀眾之間的連結,例如邀請他們發表一些跟主題相關的看法,就是一個很好的方式。

5 Being purposeful. 目的導向

強勢作風通常會令人退避三舍,但相反地,不斷退讓最終也只會讓你達不成目的,終究以失敗收場。最好的方式其實是「堅定的態度、柔軟的身段」,如遇到比較堅持己見的對象,你要順著毛摸,慢慢地將你想說服的對象引導到你想去的方向。

關鍵字: 職場學


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