I have to admit that today, even 12 years after graduation, I’m still 1 insecure about my own worthiness.
I have to remind myself today, “You are here for a reason.” I felt like there must have been some mistake— that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company and that every time I open my mouth, I have to prove that I’m not just a dumb actress.
When I got to my graduation, sitting where you sit today, after four years of trying to get excited about something else, I admitted to myself that I couldn’t wait to go back and make more films. I wanted to tell stories, to imagine the lives of others, and help othersdo the same. I’d found, or perhaps 2 reclaimed, my reason.
我畢業時，就坐在你們現在坐的位子，那時已經花了4 年時間試著尋找其他能讓我提得起勁的事，但我承認自己是迫不及待想回去拍更多電影。我想說故事，想詮釋別人的人生，也幫助其他人完成同樣的事。我找到了，或者應該說我又找回了我存在的理由。自己決定存在的意義 Owning My Meaning
In my professional life, it also took me time to find my own reasons for doing my work. The first film I was in came out in 1994. I can still quote what the New York Times said about me, “Miss Portman poses better than she acts.” The film went on to 3 bomb commercially.
That film was called The Professional. And today, 20 years and 35 films later, it’s still the film people approach me about the most, to tell me how much they loved it. I feel lucky that my first experience releasing a film was initially such a disaster by all standard measures. I learned early that my meaning had to be from the experience of making the film and the possibility of connecting with individuals rather than the 4 foremost trophies in my industry: financial and critical success.
在我的職業生涯中，找到自己做這份工作的理由也花了我不少時間。我第一次拍電影是在1994 年，我還記得當時《紐約時報》這樣形容我：「波曼小姐擺姿勢的功力比她的演技好得多。」這部電影結果成了票房毒藥，片名是《終極追殺令》。不過，20 年過去了，我已經拍了35 部電影，直到現在，這部仍是最多人來告訴我他們有多喜歡的電影。從任何標準來說，我拍第一部電影的經歷基本上是個災難，但這點對我來說算是幸運的。因為這樣讓我很早就學到，我存在的意義必須來自拍電影的經歷，以及與人接觸的可能性，而不是這一行的最高榮耀：票房和影評方面的成功。
I started choosing only jobs I was passionate about. I was able to own my meaning and not have it be determined by box office receipts. By the time I got to making Black Swan, the experience was entirely my own. I felt 5 immune to the worst things anyone could say or write about me, and to whether an audience felt like going to see my movie or not. Authoring your own experience was very much what Black Swan itself was about. Because my character, Nina, is only artistically successful when she finds perfection and pleasure for herself, not when she’s trying to be perfect in the eyes of others.
從此我只選擇自己熱愛的電影去拍。我得以自己決定存在的意義，而不是讓票房收入來決定。等到拍《黑天鵝》的時候，我打造了完全屬於自己的經歷。不管是誰說到或寫到關於我最糟糕的評論、是否有觀眾願意看我的電影，我都不會受到影響。打造自己的經歷，也就是《黑天鵝》這部電影的主旨。我的角色妮娜之所以能在藝術事業上功成名就，就是因為找到了自己的理想和喜悅，而不是成為別人眼中的完美形象。自己決定存在的意義 Forge Your Own Path
People always talk about diving into things you’re afraid of. What has served me is diving into my own 6 obliviousness—being more confident than I should be. It can be a good thing if it makes you try things you never might have tried. Your inexperience is an 7 asset, and will allow you to think in original and 8 unconventional ways.
You here will all go on to achieve great things. There’s no doubt about that. Each time you set out to do something new, your inexperience can either lead you down a path where you will 9 conform to someone else’s values, or you can forge your own path. If your reasons are your own, your path, even if it is a strange and clumsy path, will be wholly yours. And you will control the reward of what you do by making your internal life fulfilling. To quote one of my favorite thinkers, Abraham Joshua Heschel, “To be or not to be is not the question. The 10vital question is how to be and how not to be.”
1 insecure (a.) 缺乏安全感的，沒有自信的；(n.) insecurity
Michelle is very insecure about her looks.
2 reclaim (v.) 取回，奪回
The golfer hopes to reclaim the title of world champion.
3 bomb (v.) 不賣座，大敗
The play bombed on Broadway.
4 foremost (a.) 最重要的，最先的
Albert Einstein was the foremost scientist of the 20th century.
5 Immune (a.) 不受影響的，免疫的
Few people are immune to criticism.
6 obliviousness (n.) 不注意，不經意，健忘
His obliviousness to other people’s feelings is really annoying.
7 asset (n.) 才能，資產，有價值的條件
Richard’s leadership skills are his greatest asset.
8 unconventional (a.) 不符合習俗的，非傳統的，非常規的
Stella has unconventional taste in clothes.
9 conform (v.) 遵從，遵守（習俗、規定等）
Most teenagers feel pressure to conform.
10 vital (a.) 不可缺少的，極為重要的
Foreign trade is vital to Taiwan’s economy.